Sunday, February 27, 2011

Long Time, No See.

Wow.
I haven't been back here for a while. I thought that I was alone, just talking to myself, and so I stopped updating.
But I just went back to my blog, to see how he was doing & found a comment. Asking me where I went. Holy hell! I had no idea anyone was listening. So I guess I'm back.

My life has changed a lot since I last saw you. Ups & downs. But I'm in such a better place then I was before.

I had a tough summer, where it was a whole lot of home. I didn't know how to handle it. I relied a whole lot on Shelly, but that sort of made us reconsider some boundaries. The first big change that happened, was that a few people found out about my past. Shelly couldn't take it anymore, & told her family. Fuck, that hit me like a ton of bricks. I knew she was struggling with the weight of my baggage, but I didn't think she would do that. I knew that there was no taking it back, so I didn't get angry. But it was hard to be with these people who knew everything there is to know about me. Without me telling them. With me not telling them. The information left my hands. But I've grown since then.

I told my mother that I was done with her shit. That if I have one more bruise, I will leave. She hasn't hit me since. Smacks me around with words, but nothing more. I know that is still not good, but it is a step in the right direction, right?

Last semester was... a leap & bound towards a bright future. I finally said "fuck it." & did what I wanted. I joined a multi-cultural sorority. Yeah, I know. THat sounds so.... girly. But it is actually not really like a sorority. It is non judgey & service oriented. So, as a result of my new move, I have made new friends. I actually got close to some of them, & began to see the brighter side of life.

Over winter break, I slipped back a little, because all of the time spent at home. Ugh, so one of the terrible things that happened is that I got lost finding the place that my parents had been drinking at on new years. My dad was livid. & smacked me so hard. Third time he hit me. Third time, & the most painful. Emotionally. I had to go back to my house where Shelly & another friend were at & pretend I was so fucking fine & dandy.

This semester has been even better! No, I'm not kidding. So yeah, I have more friends, & some are even male.
I love this new life I'm living.
If I can do it, hell, anyone can.
Haven't thought about cutting.
Haven't thought about purging.
Haven't thought about how I look in a negative light.
But I HAVE thought about the future.
Thought about a life, not alone.
THought about how great my personality I have.

There are some wonderful people out there.
I'm regaining my faith in humanity.

1 comment:

Beautifully Broken said...

Wow. It seems you are doing good lately. Keep going with the positive attitude and you'll succeed.

"Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude."
Thomas Jefferson

TooCloseToTheEdge

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