Baby steps are still steps, & they're pretty big for babies!

I knew that I would not have leaps of progress daily & would be 100% a-okay by the end of the month, so I will have to just tell you about the few baby steps I've been making.

For starters, I am currently in my new room, loving the solitude, & procrastinating homework. I don't have to worry about my room mate or her friends, & only have to worry about myself. (Man, I know this makes me sound pretty self centered, but then again we thought the sun revolved around the world for centuries.) I have two midterms tomorrow, & I am going to try out a new approach that I tried with my midterm from today. I am going to not assume the worse. Murphy's law doesn't always apply itself to me, so why assume it will? I am going to study, & go in believing that I am prepared. That I won't fail, because I am not a failure.

Also, some small progresses I've been making lately is "positive affirmation". Ah, Shelly. This is her favorite tool of coping. I must admit it works wonders when you're in the dumps & you actually have the strength to shake it off. I guess I had to make some progress to even begin the positive affirming, for I had to have things to think positively about in order to reverse the negative thoughts. & believe me, you have to believe them or this whole process falls apart. I don't have a very long list of things to like about myself, let alone love, but a list is a list. I've had to admit to myself that I am a good person, who has shit thrown at her constantly. Instead of my former belief that I must be a horrible person who is getting what she deserves. Oh karma, if only it was real. I'm not saying I believe I walk on water, but I don't deserve the life I was dealt. All luck of the cards, I guess. But I'm trading mine in, & I'm hoping the next few I draw will give me the winning hand.

Although these few steps have been made, I have a long journey ahead of me. A big problem I face is very low self confidence. I dislike my appearance so very much that I can't even look in the mirror. It's a problem, I know. So now I need to take the steps to fix it, but as you all know thinking & acting are two completely different things.

well, farewell for now to anyone out there.

PS. So sorry for all of the mistakes that these posts are riddled with.