It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.

This is your life, & it doesn't get any better than this.

Innocence is a valuable thing. However, it is something I don't ever remember having. I was never a child. Not really. Between my general lack of friends, & the actions of my parents have always lacked maturity. Starting at an age I can't even identify, I began taking care of myself. I always ate cold food before elementary school because I couldn't reach or use the microwave. I have taken care of basically all of my needs for a long time including making doctor appointments & filling out paper work. Besides taking care of myself, I've had to be the parent of just not myself, but of my mother. I've had to take care of my drunk mother more than a few times & that's only the bad days. Every morning since I can remember I've had to prepare my mother & I & then wake her up. & trust me, that lady is no morning person, & my body could show you that.

Yeah, my parents have no maturity at all & they displayed it the entire vacation. My father is disgusting. He spits, & often at me. & he acts like a child. He is much like my mother though. No she doesn't spit, but it doesn't mean she's not a child herself.

She decided to open the curtain I was behind while I was changing. I absolutely hate being naked. No one had seen me naked before. & I didn't want to change that. But that decision left my control when she revealed my body & proceeded to bash it with negative comments. I already hate my body. It is the most unfortunate body imaginable. & she just pointed out & confirmed things I already know. How the hell am I supposed to change my opinion about myself when I've heard absolutely nothing to contradict it. I've been called anything but hideous by one person. Only one. & one voice doesn't drown out the numerous swimming around in my mind.

Another immature thing my mother did was absolutely disgustingly childish. So, you know that thing where a person points at something on your shirt & then lightly brushes your chin? Well she didn't quiet pull a bruce campbell, but she slapped me in the face. Hard.

I fucking hate my life.
I never want to return to it when I get a chance to leave.
I want to live on my own or surrounded by people who love me.
& if I ever have children, I fucking swear they'll be more mature than my parents.
Who will never be alone with them.

Farewell all.